Close Knit

A Poem

A stranger 
In a familiar place
Surrounded by
Familiar faces
Yet a mere observer
To the events unfolding before me
As if I'm in a episode  
But a thick glass
A looking glass
Separates me from the action 
Life flowing before me
I hear my voice 
But it's restricted to the confines of my head
Awkward awkward awkward
So damn quiet why am I 
So damn aware
So damn quiet why am I

Here when I 
Know I blend in
Like a wallflower 
A little black wallflower in
A house brimming with black social butterflies
Because I see their glances
Eyes accidentally meet

Why am I here with him, with them
When I
Know the weight in those looks
Because I 
Know we don't talk 
About the same things
Anymore
We're not
No we're not the way we once were 
Years ago
Nor will we ever be
A mask but a sheer veil
I can't change
No more than I have already
Awkward awkward awkward

I can't change it
I can try to penetrate 
Their fortress
But I'm not the lucky stranger
With easy access
Access I was denied
Try, fail, try, fail
My heart tells me this time I'll get access

Maybe next time
I'll get it right
I don't stand out
Nor fit in
I blend, melt, fade
They don't invite me
They invite him 

And all I'll ever be
Is the extension
Of him
His plus one
A stranger
In a familiar place

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