When Someone Ruins a Song

Dada da dada da dada

As soon as I hear that verse(x4) along with that summery-riff, I hit skip on whatever Spotify playlist or radio it pops up on.

It’s been more than 3 months now, and I still can’t listen to it without memories. Memories that were once good, now turned sour. Reckless by Arin Ray was one of my favorite songs of 2019.

This is is song if you want to hear what I’m talking about:

I don’t even remember how I discovered it, I just remember how it made me feel. It was my go-to song in the shower, when painting, getting ready for bed, getting ready for class, when I was in a bad mood. I loved it, it made me feel free, lighter, like the night was mine.

Night was my favorite time to listen to it, along with Masego’s “Navajo” and “Prone” and Smino’s “Wild Irish Roses,” to name a few.

Then it got better. I found someone to share it with. It was as good as sharing part of my spirit. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen to it again.

I watched the music video for this song, and many other songs I can never hear the same, with this person who appreciated the song just as much as I did.

I’ll never forget the commentary we had about having “5 bad bitches” with us and his daydream versus his real life. Everything about that moment– the music, the videos, the getting to know each other, the newness of it all– felt right. I listened to Reckless from that point on with that person in mind.

Until they ghosted me… ever since, I haven’t been able to listen to it without cringing. It’s still a great song that I hope to enjoy once again, though.

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